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The Cupid stage is a time of strong interaction between the small group leader and the matchmaker. The group leader and each of the group members bring their own perspectives to the group. Therefore, the purpose of the group must be clearly communicated to all involved. The goal of this stage is to make the first group meetings as little like a blind date as possible, moving the group quickly into the courtship stage.

As mentioned above, the first group meeting is a lot like a first date. Members come with a mixture of dread and anticipation. While a good Cupid stage will decrease these feelings, members may still feel unsure and dependent on the group leader. Even the words used by others to describe the first phase of a group are similar to the emotions experienced on a first date: sizing up, testing, ambiguity, reservation, discovery. Members' primary questions fall into two categories. The first is inclusion: Will I be accepted? Will I be liked? Who else is in the group? The second is purpose: What is expected of me? What are the rules? What is the group going to do? Group members may be hesitant to participate, or they may talk a lot.

At this stage, the group focuses almost exclusively on group-building (subjective content). Icebreaker activities, informal fellowship, and Relational Bible Study provide opportunities for non-threatening sharing. Prayers are simple or silent, so no one is forced to participate. Leaders should follow up on all group members with a personal contact every week in order to help members feel included. In the Courtship phase, the goal is relationship-building, not Bible study, mission, or worship.

If the leader has maintained high initiative, clarified the group purpose, modeled self-disclosure, and answered the members' primary questions, then at the end of this phase the members' feelings of anxiety and reservation will have faded. The anxiety of the first few dates will have quickly been replaced by the joy and excitement of a new romantic relationship. If self-disclosure has been met by affirmation and members have been able to share their stories, they should feel comfortable being a part of the group — comfortable enough to disagree.

Group building is still the focus in this stage, although worship begins to increase in importance. Conflict is a natural and healthy part of the group building process (within limits), especially as members become more comfortable with each other and risk sharing their own views.

Commitment: Engagement, Marriage, and Honeymoon (three-five weeks)

This is also the point in group life for a re-covenanting process. The formal covenant of the marriage ceremony is mirrored in the new group covenant. It is a new time of planning and decision-making for life together. The group leader needs to facilitate this process, but by this point the group has taken ownership and begun to develop shared leadership. Now is the time for an apprentice leader to be selected. Group goals should be comprehensive, involving the four areas of worship, support, bible study, and mission. In each of these areas the group should strive for greater depth. Once the group has celebrated and these goals have been set, they are ready to implement these goals in the life of the group. They are ready to move beyond commitment to contribution.

All of the planning and hard work of the engagement period is over. The couple has publicly declared their fidelity to one another and to God. They have left the wedding reception and enjoyed a honeymoon together. But now the honeymoon is over. The couple moves on to a new phase in their life, learning to live and work together as newlyweds. They must tend to the daily responsibilities of career or school, maintaining a household, and developing new relationships with others.

The parallel stage of group life, contribution, is also called functioning, performing, maturity, action, and outreach. The primary focus of the group is no longer group-building, but bible study and mission. Shared leadership should be practiced--an apprentice leader should take on increasing responsibility within the group, under the careful supervision of the leader. Leadership may also be rotated among group members and the group may meet in different homes.

This will be the longest stage. The church leadership, however, will want to limit the life of the group and provide a definite time of termination. This is especially important as groups grow to the size where they are no longer small groups (about 15), or where they fail to reach out to newcomers and instead engage in navel gazing.

One goal of parenting is to raise the children to be self-sufficient. As children grow and mature, they are given increasing responsibilities. When they reach adulthood, they venture off on their own. Many to begin their own families. As they begin new families, the years of modeling from their own parents is likely to be reflected in their own parenting styles. Their parents will continue to have a relationship with their now-grown children, but it will differ significantly from their earlier years.

At the end of this phase, the successful group will multiply by sending out designated leaders, becoming two new groups in order to better enter the world. New groups are the best place for new people to find the answer to their search for community. The rebirth of relationships in a new group is a wonderful context for those in need of spiritual rebirth. Unless a group multiplies, such a new birth will not be possible.

Much valuable preparation takes place in this final phase. The leader or apprentice leader prepares to lead one of the new groups. The group gathers to commission their new leaders, laying hands on them and sending them off as missionaries to a world in need of Christ. Members discover their own spiritual gifts and passions as they move out into this new mission thrust. The focus of the old group turns to the releasing process and the care and nurture of the new group's first weeks together.

In this final phase of group life, the leader again takes the initiative. Many in the group will not want to face its death, and must be helped through the grief process. The leader strives to refocus the grief process into celebration and commemoration. Even when a group multiplies at the end of its life, its members must go through the grief process. Old relationships must be celebrated and commemorated before the children are sent out into the world. The leader's responsibility is twofold: he/she must help members say goodbye adequately, and he/she must oversee the sending out of the new leaders. To this end, many groups plan for a graduation ceremony from the group. This is a deliberate time of commencement and celebration of new beginnings.

Of course, the death of an old group or the sending out of leaders to form a new one does not mean that relationships must end. Just as parents maintain a relationship with their adult children, so the old group maintains a relationship with the members of the new group. In fact, the old group members should meet monthly for several months for reunions and celebration of their life together. In this way they can serve as a support group for one another, maintaining old relationships even as new ones are created. As group members rediscover Christian community in their new groups, a support system is no longer necessary. Two new, healthy groups have now formed, ready to repeat the cycle as they draw new people into Christ's loving body, and to continue to make disciples as they prepare for his return.